.::Why, Its Like A Dream, A Wonderful Dream Come True::.

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 20:27:46 GMT

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 06:27:59 GMT

This is the absolute WORST New Years Ever in my entire life!

I stayed home by myself, with the exception of Nala and Alice and rung in the new year with some tears. Hopefully this wont signal how the REST of 2008 will pan out :'(

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:15:14 GMT

The holidays left me kind of disappointed. I mean, yes, I got wonderful gifts and spent time with my family and boyfriend and that was all very good, Im not complaining about that. But for some reason, lately I havent felt like its been christmas for the past couple of years. I miss the excitement I used to feel during the holidays, the happiness and the anticipation.

This year, we didnt put up a christmas tree like usual. My mother put out this tiny plastic christmas tree and perched it on a plant stand. Our presents were held in shopping bags on our dining room chairs. It was just, definately not christmas like. Im trying hard to believe its just the fact that Im very picky about how I like my holidays, and that I havent just outgrown christmas. Because I know a couple of people like that, and I dont ever, EVER want to turn out like that.

Its not only christmas either, its every other holiday. Everything is just blah, and my family tells me its because we're too old for anything anymore. I keep thinking to myself, so just because we've gotten older, we've totally deserted the traditions we've grown up with? The things we've looked forward to? I find that very strange, and sad. I feel like Im trying to hold on to my childhood, because honestly, if this is how adulthood feels like - empty and blah, then I would rather stay a child.

I've learned that if I want something done a certain way, Im going to have to do it myself, for myself, because otherwise, it'll all go to shit.

So with that said, goodbye

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 02:06:07 GMT

sometimes I feel like dropping this website, mainly because I get so lazy and sidetracked with other things in my life that I dont get to update as much as I would like. But then I feel guilty if I would, so I guess Im sticking with it for a while longer :P

Uh... So chris my ex emails me on myspace and asks me if I am interested in seeing him one more time before he leaves to... idk... wherever. He hasnt stated where he's going. And I of course, tell my current boyfriend, because Im a good little girl heh and ask him what he thinks. Like always, he says that its my choice. But I know him, he says that, but he expects me NOT to do it. Im like, you might as well say no! *rolls eyes* So anyways. he says he wants to I guess end things on a positive note. Thats fine, w/e, but what gets me is that he said that if I do want to see him, not to be rude because its uncalled for. Like, yeh, Im going to tell you I'll see you and idk, insult you or something..... *shruggs* So yeh, Im not sure what to think, so Im leaving it for a while while I think. I just find it so funny that he threw my offer of remaining friends in my face and says he doesnt want to be apart of my life, and then emails me occasionally here and there, interrupting it....

The other chris is almost done with his process of becoming a police officer. He only has his second polygraph and then the interview, and if they like him he'll get to start the academy in february! Im so happy and proud of him! I really really do hope that he gets this job, it'll really help us in our life together.

My classes for this semester are almost over. I cant wait! But Im also scared. I really need good grades for my classes because nursing school is very competitive. Ive accepted the fact that I might have to apply to out of city or outta state nursing schools if I want to get in....

So I did a survey on saturday about music... easiest money Ive ever made! Yes, even easier than my job lol. Basically we met at the signature gardens banquet hall ( which is where I have decided my wedding reception is going to be - very pretty!), we listened to a couple of seconds of each song, and ranked 1 to 6 wether we liked it or not. We got free lunch and then at the end of the survey, we got 75 bucks just to say wether or not I liked this or that song! best thing EVAR..

I got invited to go with yoly, haydee and abuela to go to Savannah Georgia next weekend!! Im SO STOKED! We're gonna stay at a bed and breakfast and go on a ghost tour! I cant wait! We're going to leave early on friday and come back monday. So yes, prepare yourself for another batch of 400 plus pics haha.

So, Im in need of a second job. I called chris's friend miguel and asked if I could have a second job at his store. He said he'll talk to his manager and he'll let me know.. soooo we'll see *crosses fingers* I mean come on, I need to pay off a 3 grand credit card :\ We'll see what happens..

I just bought a camera with my survey money, I cant wait to use it! Im going to have to ask one of my family members if they'll buy me a memory card for my camera as an early christmas present. I just find it funny that the memory card is almost going to be as expensive as the new camera :( Alas, sony likes to screw people...

So right now Im reading for my anatomy class tomorrow. I have a test :(

anyways, I think its enough for one night. I gotta get back to studying!!

nite nite

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 15:05:09 GMT

I wish someone would invent a product that will read people's minds and put theyre words to paper, or in my case, on the screen. I have so many things running through my mind right now that I dont even know where to start. Its like an ocean, words and feelings floating waiting for someone to reach in and cup an idea or a thought in their hands and bring it to life.

I didnt think that I was a complicated person, but in moments like this I wonder how I ever have the energy to cope with everything thats going on inside me. Sometimes I think that I've changed so much from who I was before that I dont recognize myself. That goes both ways, good and bad.

My classes are taking a long time. Idk I feel like Ive been in the same classes for like months and months now. Ive been feeling this way relating to other things as well, so maybe its just my impatience thats making it so bad.

Im volunteering at south miami hospital in the maternity ward this semester. Im super excited and cant wait to start. I took a tuberculosis test on tuesday and I need to come back on monday to have another one done before they can give me an ID badge. I need to buy the uniforms soon. White pants and a pink shirt, hurray. I hope I actually get to interact with the preggies at the hospital lol, seeing as thats what I wanna do when I start nursing.

I love my boyfriend. I really do. I want to have his blue eyed babies :P

lol

On another note, I registered for my classes for next semester.I was waiting from 12 til 4 for my number to come up. I mean imagine, I was number 311 and I walked in while they were calling 101! So yeh, but finally, I got to speak to my favorite there, Joy. She's always nice to me. She managed to get me another class that I wasnt supposed to take which is awesome. She says Im supposed to graduate in another year or so, which Im not too sure Im happy about. I have to write down my left over classes and see how thats going.

but basically, I switched my class days from mwf to tuesday and thursdays because I need to work more hours over here. My classes start at 11:15 til 6:45, which is great because I get to sleep in lol.

Im so tired... and hungry... But then again, Im always tired and hungry heh. I need to start going to bed earlier, Im such an old fogey.

I wish this place had like, a couch or something I could sleep on :(

Pissed

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 14:35:52 GMT

Seeing as I have nothing better to do with my time at work other than surf the internet, I came across something that has upset me quite a bit. Its been bothering me now for a couple of days, but after today, I've felt bad enough to say something about it.

Never in my LIFE would I think that Britney Spears would EVER inspire me to write an entry, but it has. Lets be honest. Do I like her music now? No. Was I a fan before? Yes, seems like YEARS ago. Does she need TREMENDOUS help? Hell yes. But the fact that the media has been not only insulting her over her appearance at the VMA's, but to every other woman in the world who isnt a size two has made me sick.

Trust me, I HAVE seen her photos of her chomping down a bag of cheetos and other fattening shit in the mags, so its not like Im denying the fact that yes, britney spears isnt as in shape as she was before hand. But to read the comments that people say about her in the news, magazines and television regarding her weight has made me want to hide under a rock and DIE.

According to TMZ.com,"Britney Spears aimed to bring the house down when she opened the MTV Video Music Awards, but instead she just looked like a house."

Now lets compare...

Hmm... doesnt look very much like a house to me, what do u think?

"Spears was stuffed into a spangled bra and hot pants and jiggled like Jell-O as she sleepwalked through the song. She didn't seem to care that she danced like she had a pantload." - New York Post.

Wow... Jello. Thats pretty bad. I mean, I guess because Hollywood and the media's current "Trend" of praising curvacious women and gently discouraging abnormal skinniness is just hypocrasy. Yes! Let's put women who might blow away in the wind on the cover of our magazines and promote eating disorders while normal women with normal weight end up with psychological disorders regarding their self esteem and personal images!

And people wonder why women are so prone to be self-critical about their appearance when all we are given is THIS BULLSHIT! I can guarantee you the same thing wouldnt have happened if this was a man. " Because women need to seem like they're fragile glass!"

Fuck you society! Fuck you Media! YOU are the reason Im stressing over my weight. YOU are the reason why so many girls and women suffer mentally and physically to attain some kind of unhealthy " beauty ideal."

Lets compare Britney Before and After :
Before -

After -

Honestly, if people think that britney spears looks so HORRENDOUS and FAT and GARGANTUAN after how many years of eating fast food and having TWO KIDS, then please let me know so I can shoot myself now. I am right now a size 16 or 18 depending on the brand of clothing, so I can only HOPE and PRAY and DREAM that my body will look like hers after bearing TWO children. Seeing how the media has insulted her over her looks not only makes me feel like I am a giant blimp walking this earth but also that my importance in this world is only attributed to how I look and how much I weigh.

Honestly, I havent watched the VMAS. Im not defending her performance. Im defending her appearance. Im not against weight loss and being skinny. Hell no. Im currently trying my all to lose weight. But I DEFINATELY dont defend the notion that I need to lose enough weight that my BONES stick out from my body and I look like an almost dead, Tim Burton-ized verson of myself. Im against the notion that your beauty is dependant on your waist size. I can GUARAN-DAMN-TY you that my daughter/daughters are NEVER going to feel like they need to be a certain size to feel important. EVER.

So to all the hollywood snubs and idiots who feel that you need to be a size two to be anything in life... Go fuck yourselves.

I dont wanna work today :(

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 14:06:03 GMT

Lets pray that these people forget Im here.....

Nerd Related Happiness!

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 14:34:39 GMT

Yey!! I bought my books yesterday!! Nevermind the fact that two classes worth of books cost me my entire two weekpaycheck, but hurray!! Im looking forward to taking a look at them and possibly taking down some notes for myself before school starts. I got my Anatomy and Physiology book that came as a package with like five other books/study guides. Also, I got my Nutrition book, but stephanie says that it looks like the online course one so I might not open it til school starts. But I was thinking that since we have different ones for different classes that this was the case, but we'll see.

I have such bad allergies that I dont think Im going to survive til tomorrow :( :( :(

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 17:28:32 GMT

Today is our Seventh Month... Hurraaayyyyyyy!!!

Monogamous Relationships are hott LOL (no, I dont know where that came from)

Tomorrow Im off to MDC to pay for my classes and perhaps buy some text books, depending on wether I'll have this week's paycheck in by tomorrow.. Im so excited for buying my text books tomorrow, hah, Im such a nerd. I cant wait to get them and start reading them and LEARNING! *siiiggghhh* Wow..

Anyways, cvs as I now found out dont allow anyone making a photo cd. Which sucks ass! I have to find another establishment that can put photos on a CD because if not, it'll mess up my plans for that photo project and right now I cant have that cuz I'll gave a bitch fit.......

*sigh*

Oh the Boredom!

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:42:02 GMT

God.Help.Me...........................................

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:16:03 GMT

I cant believe theyre actually making me work today.... Meh... I hate excell spreadsheets.....

My arms are SOOOOOO sore after the gym on wednesday. Its insane, it hurts more than my legs when I worked them out on Monday. I can barely raise my arms to do ANYTHING. I feel like a cripple lol. At least it means Im building muscle, so Im happy about that :)

The guys at the office are taking me and daniella out to lunch today at Fridays I think. Thats awesome. I need to remember to order a salad so I wont go overboard.

I love my boyfriend. Like. Woah. Like it'll come to me randomly out of nowhere. I'll be sitting somewhere eating shit and he'll pop into my head and this huge gush of emotions run over me and by the end of it, im dying to just touch him. I bought him curve cologne and omg, smelling it on him makes me just want to melt. I wish I could spend some time with him like, alone, without anything we need to do or work or school or anything like that.

We were watching VH1 the other night for the premier ep of Pick Up Artist. Holy jesus.... I have a new celebrity crush... His name is Matador. Haha, giggles... Here he be's

Wow. just, wow. He's definately my type ;)

Oh, and this is another one of my new celebrity crushes

Its colin ferguson from the Eureka series that Chris has me watching. Its amazing. I love it. He's ultra cute. I wish my town had a sheriff like him :\

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 13:11:27 GMT

Why am I such a sucker?

Last night I had two dreams rolled into one. I first dreamt that my mother had another baby (haha right..) and I was carrying him. I loved it. I remember in the dream thinking that he was really developmentally smart because he was like two months old and he was saying words (guys its a dream, humor me.) He also happened to look like Christopher, so I was like he's Chris's late twin haha.

Later on in the dream, Chris my ex comes by because he wants to use my computer so make some graphics (lol) And like, it was so weird, because we were just sitting together in this room, each on our own computer, just being friends. Like nothing ever happened. Like we skipped the relationship part and were just friends.

That last dream woke me up and kept me half awake for like an hour. I hated how it made me sad, because its never going to turn out like that. And I dont know why Im always desiring to keep friendships with my ex's. It confuses me, how I expect and want to keep a frienship with him thats purely friendship - free of sexual tension or bittnerness or anger. I dont know. Maybe in a couple of years that'll be possible. Because for now obviously due to the evidence of how he reacted to my presence in the movies the other day, he really couldnt give a shit.

We'll see how that goes..

Chris and I are going to the gym again after he picks me up from work today. Im so excited. I cant wait til I fit into my skinny clothes again. We went to the gym on monday, I worked on my legs so today I'll prolly work on my arms.

Ahhhh.... Skinny clothes....

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 13:33:26 GMT

Well, I can say that I had an interesting weekend.

The good stuff started on Saturday. Chris had gone to help out Erin at her house so that some of the stuff could be in working order in time for the wedding. I had chilled at my grandparents house for a little bit cuz I hadnt seen them for a while. Chris came with Erin to pick me up and we headed over to Dolphin because we were gonna see The Simpsons once Miguel got out of work. I dont know why we got there so early (we arrived at sevenish or eightish?) because miguel didnt get out until ten. Either way, he went on break and the four of us went to eat at the food court. We hung out in gamestop with miguel while he worked until we decided to head over to the theaters to purchase our tickets and wait in line.

We ended up being the first people in line, which rocked. Chris, Erin and I sat on the floor for a while until chris wanted to get up and hang out with miguel until he got out. So erin and I sat and talked for a bit, I totally forgot what we talked about, but Im sure we talked about the wedding and such lol.

Chris came back and plopped on the floor next to us and we settled in to random talking. I looked up and saw my ex Chris right in front of me, trying to look at the paper for the show times. We looked at each other at the same time and he just ignored me and walked away. I was like, what? No hi, or a smile or a wave or anything? I felt insulted. I mean, for all your omg, I love you and God this and God that, you acted like a man of hatred.

I was stupefied. I pointed him out to my boyfriend and Erin. Erin immediately didnt like him. I was thinking, what were the chances we ended up in the same theatre for the same movie for the same time? Well, I eneded up seeing him like three more times, and each time, he ignored me, like I was empty space. But thats okay. Just proves to me that I made the right choice. It takes a real man to at least acknowledge me.

Miguel eventually met up with us and we sat down to watch the show. It was great, I liked it, I found it very funny. The rest of the party didnt think so, but its okay, Im not as picky as they are :P

We ended up staying over Miguel and Erins house that night, so that I could help her unpack her stuff in the house, and just so that she wouldnt be alone in general. Chris and I attempted to sleep in the same bed, but in a twin bed, that was gonna be impossible so I slept in the bed, while he slept on the floor. I dont remember what happened, but during the night we played musical beds and kept switching from the bed to the floor and back again.

In the morning, erin made us breakfast which was real nice of her. I helped wash dishes and afterwards, started to unpack. Chris went and took Miguel lunch and stayed with him the entire day until he got home and we stayed to clean up. It was nice, we talked alot and laughed. I told her I touched her undies while helping with laundry, and in doing so we were bonded ;) haha...

Around sixish we were both tired, and her friend anna came over to see the house. The three of us chilled on their bed and talked until Chris came home with food for me :) Miguel came from work with some more of his stuff from his moms house and then they ate dinner.

We finished the night with a guitarhero foursome ;) They pitted erin and I against each other, and I sucked....REALLY BAD. ahahaha, but it was fun, cuz I picked an MCR song that the game had.

So that was pretty much my weekend. Not bad - definately kept me interested lol...

<3

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:12:11 GMT

Im trying to think of something to write about. Nothing is coming up, but Im in the mood to put something down, lest I go crazy from the boredom that is work.

I went shopping with Stephanie yesterday and bought a dress for miguel and erin's wedding thats in like a week and a half *excited* I saw it and I was like, its prolly too fancy but I like it so much Im gonna try it anyways. It ended up being the best dress I've tried on so far. Its black, goes down to the floor, a halter top, with a slit around the legs and it has like little glitter thingies. Oh and a diamond medallion thingy in the middle. I'll take pics of me wearing it when I get my hands on a digi cam. The best part was that it was on sale from 150 dollars to a hundred!! Plus JCPenny took discover so I was soooo happy about that (HARDLY anyone takes discover). So yes, Im going to see if I can find a place to get my make up done and my hair. You think I can get that done for less than a hundred? Stephanie said she'll let me borrow jewelery from her and I have some heels that I think will go with the dress so I dont have to worry about that part of the outfit. I hope I dont go over two hundred dollars with the entire ensamble ;)

As expected, life at home is getting exponentially worse. I think I would have already thrown something to the floor and had a complete breakdown if it wouldnt be for the fact that I have a car. I have been so stressed out with things that I seem to cry at the drop of a hat over ANYTHING. One of the main things is Alice. She...She is insane. When Im with her, supervising her, shes fine, No problem. When Im not with her, she destroys EVERYTHING. She will eat anything she sees, its preposterous. So obviously, when Im not home I dont want her in my room or in the house, so Im stuck with putting her outside. My mom just LOVES to put her in my room and close the door on her, so guess what she does? Yes, DESTROY EVERYTHING. I have come home from chris's house many a times to find garbage from my trash spilled all over the floor, my papers ripped and torn in pieces, even my stuffed animals have been destroyed. Plus, shes a regular peeing and pooping machine so thats in the mix as well.

My mother does not give a shit that my things are destroyed. That Im sobbing everynight while Im cleaning because my things are gone. That Im stressing out to the point where I just go numb. And then to make matters worse, she just outright sneers at me everytime I talk to her. Like two days ago, I asked her if she wanted to go with me dress shopping for miguels wedding. She asked me if I had money, I told her, sorta kinda ( cuz I didnt want to tell her I was going to use a credit card) and she said no. No because she didnt want to pay for my dress and I was going to make her pay for it. The one time that I asked her to come with me just to accompany me, she slaps me in the face. Last.Time.Ever.

Then last night I came home from chris's house, my brothers calling me from the house to say that Alice had destroyed some of my aunts wedding pictures and I completely freaked out. From what I know she didnt have any duplicates and I had them in my possession and now alice destroyed them. I was going to die. I get home, and greet Nala. Alice runs up and jumps on me, and Im like " no, Im mad at you." and push her away gently. My mother gets up from the couch and tells me " Dont be mad at the dog, you're the idiot." I just kept playing with Nala and shes like, " I cant wait til you take a look at your kennel of a room. Its a mess. I LOOOOVVVEEE it when they make a disaster."

I just stared at her. Like, wtf is WRONG with you?!

" You are an incredible bitch."

Yes, I told her that to her face. And walked away.

Walking in, I realized she only destroyed one picture and tore up some paper towels I had on a roll in my room, which was okay, thats fine, not as bad as the other times..... But, I just couldnt take it. I couldnt take my mom anymore. All I could do, was take the broom, and cry. I called chris. He tried helping me out, but it wasnt in the way I needed help and Im sorry if you think I just brushed off your advice. I guess I just needed someone to listen to me. So I wouldnt be alone.

Im trying to find out a way to move out. But with the two dogs and me making only 150 dollars every two weeks (yeh I know, its pathetic), I can barely survive living rent free. So imagine if I would have to pay for rent.....

I searched on monster, but nothing came up that could apply to me. Plus Im trying to go to school this fall, so the schedule is going to have to be MAJORLY flexible.

I feel so caged in. Like everything I want to do is blocked. I cant even breathe.

Life Sucks.

Monday Night Update

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 05:57:21 GMT

So... Next mission in line to be accomplished: Sweet talk my dad into paying for my rent so I can move out on my own. Or well, with Chris. Stephanie sent me some links for apartments to look at and there is this awesome one(judging from the website, mind you)thats really cheap and will accept our gazillion dogs lol.

If we get my dad to pay for the rent, that will just make my life. Really. All we'll have to worry about is food, gas, erm..my tuition/books and I guess the utilities, although it says some of them are included. Im going to call them tomorrow to schedule a tour and ask them about whats included.

So ever since I gained all this fucking weight, I never thought that I would be attractive. Like, Im barf like material. Chris? Well, I think he's just with me cuz he feels bad for me heh. But like yeh, I havethis guy trying to freaking get me to do some freaky deaky shit with him cuz I guess hes attracted to me? I mean, I feel flattered, but Im wondering about his sanity. And part of me feels insulted, although not too much cuz Im a vain bitch hah. this is a friend from highschool, which I guarantee you I gave him enough chances to get with me while I was single, but you know how guys are. You give him the time of day, they dont wanna see your face...

SO yeh, that highschool guy, dude... we're friends, I have a boyfriend and you know that. So please, lay off the I wanna shove my cock in you comments, thanx ;)

Among other news

Sunday was our sixth month together. It seems like we've been together for longer than that, but I guess its because I see him every fuckin day and sleep over occasionally so it feels longer. We're getting into a lot of fights and even though i guess Im weird, but yeh we fight, but I dont put alot of thought into it. Like, never had I once seriously considered breaking up with him after a fight. Just usually Im like, FKFJASFIURR(I@!#!$IJ#$QKRI#@#I~#~#!#######~!!!! and then in five minutes I'll be back to baby this and baby that etc etc. *sigh* alas the honeymoon couldnt last forever lol. But we're doing good. He's trying to help me with my rough spots, which I love him for, even though alot of the times I feel like being a bitch and not wanting to cooperate.

His birthday is coming up soon, and even though I already have bought him two presents, I feel that its not enough. I want to do something special, but the idea I had isnt working out :( and normally I would say what it is, but he reads my lj and I dont want him finding out lol. The scheduling of his birthday is really inconvinient too cuz the weekend before we have a wedding to attend, and the weekend after we have TWO birthday parties to go to. I dont know whats going to go on or how we're gonna work around it. We'll see what happens.

Its two in the morning.... and I have to go to bed.....

Chem sucks ass......

Million Dollar Question

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:59:29 GMT

I havent done one of these in a while, plus Im bored at work. Anyone who reads this is welcome to comment and put in your two cents :) Lets get to it....

If I had a Million Dollars, I would :

1. Pay off my small credit card debt ( less than 2k)
2. Buy myself a toyota yaris (Its so gas friendly! 40+ mpg)
3. Buy land outta state and design and build my own house
4. Pay my entire school tuition to be a nurse
5. New wardrobe
6. Add a new doggie to the family
7. Buy back my grandmothers old house in westchester
8. Help my mom pay off her debt
9. Send my grandparents on a vacation - just them two
10. Have an awesome wedding ( hopefully )
11. Set up an account for my children's college fund
12. Donate money to No-Kill Animal Shelters to find homes for abandoned animals.
13. Pay olinda back three hundred dollars for school

I Cant think of anything else really.. I guess the rest would just go into my account and I'd use it as I pleased ;)

Ahhh... million dollars, where are u when I need u?

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:43:52 GMT

Life working for UM is wonderful :) I get to sit in my own desk with my own computer and internet to do whatever I want to do... Yep, definately a progress from cleaning in the deli *dies*

This is the best job ever. Im working with my cousin Daniella and we wait until anyone of the guys that work here full time need something and then we do it for them. Until then, we just sit and surf the internet. Its great.

The only thing I dont like about it is that I got used to the whole publix pays once a week opposed to twice a month ya know? So yeh, Im dying for my check to come in cuz I need to pay off alot of stuff.

Lets see

Cell - 60
Credit Card - 40
Gas - 80ish?

Idk, thats all I can think of that I NEED to pay. I can think up TONS of stuff that I'd still want.

So chris told me the other day of this law that just passed that apparently is going to lower the property taxes but then fucks over the police, fire fighters and teachers in the same swing. Which sucks, honestly, especially the teachers, cuz you know, they get nothing as it is. But yeh, what that essentially means for chris is that the police department isnt going to be hiring as many officers because they dont have enough money to pay for their salaries. Or thats how I understood it. And its a statewide thing, so its not only in dade.

I kinda told him that we'd have to move outta state then if he'd want to continue to apply to be a cop. I was saying it jokingly, because I dont have that kind of luck heh. But yeh, I told him that he should keep going to school and wait until I finished my pre-reqs for nursing school and then I'd apply for out of state schools and where ever we landed, he could apply for the police department there. Is it going to happen? 99.99999% not. I know this.

I keep like torturing myself cuz I look at the property prices and rentals in North Carolina and its dirt cheap. Like this rental apartments called oak point, a two bedroom is like in the range of 500-600. I nearly died. I would so love to move in there.

I want to get away from this heat. I cant take it. But I'll have to check out North Carolina's cold climate and make sure its not too severe cuz Chris gets migranes when the weather turns cold.

Ahhh... enough torturing myself. On to another subject. Im headed off to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure friday morning. I really wanted to go to Disney World, but the closer and closer friday comes, the more excited I get about it.

I need to remember that I need to take TONS of pics and that to have people pose. I take too many candid pics and I want a balance outta the two when I get down to scrapbooking it :)

Speaking of scrapbooking... Im ADDICTED to it. Im even more into it than ever. I have made a new goal for myself. I am going to collect all the photos in my family and have the entire collection in my possession (yey I rhymed!) Yeh, weird goal, but I want it. I dont know how Im going to present it, but Im just trying right now to get stuff on cd before I print them and see what I do with the hard copys. So far, Ive gotten pics from Abuela. Just the pics she has in her garage. She has tons in frames that I want to get to.

And so forth, with every member of our family. So yes, I've set myself up for litterally, a TON of work. Expensive too, each cd costs like three bucks. and because I have to do them in cvs, I have to make sure that I dont take too long and have someone waiting in back of me.

Im also trying to make a family tree, but I've realized that its going to be nearly impossible. What with the names and relatives of everybody....

Anyways, I think thats enough for today. On to more websurfing! Laters <3

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 18:00:20 GMT

I lost my boyfriend's ring today in school. I was washing my hands in the bathroom and I left it on the sink. It wasnt until I got home that I noticed, freaked out, and proceeded to race back to school.

It wasnt there.

I had the hardest crying spells in the car after that. I think one of the hardest Ive had in a while. Im such an idiot. I dont ever deserve to have anything nice, because I always break or lose it.

I cant believe I did that... *hits head with hammer*

And my thirteen year old cousin is talking to a guy five years older than her that she met on a trip that lives here in miami...... Kinda feel awkward about that.....

Birthday Entry

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 28 May 2007 07:37:03 GMT

Dear Journal,

Its my birthday today. Im finally turning twenty one and so I thought it fitting to update. Its the starting point of my adult life and I cant believe I've made it. Im not sure about you, but I always feel like I'd never come to experience milestones that are far away like this. I look back at the things thats happened in my life and come to see how things have changed me into the person I am today, how they've taught me things about life that I'll carry with me til the day I die. I thought to myself that turning twenty one should liberate me from the worries and hurt and pain from my past, but it only offers me a reason to look back at what Ive been through. I realize now that I can never be perfect, that life can NEVER be scheduled all nice and neat, that God has his own plans that Im sure differs greatly from mine. I can only hope to achieve a happy medium that I can learn to live with and be semi-content with.

My exboyfriend emailed me wishing me a happy early birthday and asked me wether I was his anonymous commentor on his journal. I wasnt, but the thought got me interested, so I looked him up. Scanning through it I read mostly about loving this girl and wanting to be with her etc etc, and yes, vainly I thought it was me. Obviously it wasnt, since in one of his recent entries he notes that it would have been a year on the date of the entry (may 26) and that he was thinking of proposing to her. Buying her a ring and getting down on one knee for her.

It was the other girl. It wasnt me. No, why would it be? After three years of loving him and forgiving him over and over again, I would never have deserved to be loved THAT much. But yes, only after a year he thought it fitting to ask her to be his wife. And then it occured to me that all those entries he wasnt talking about me. Oh no. Not about me at all.

I know it hurt me more than it should have. I know that my boyfriend will read this and say why do u give a shit?......

I dont know.

Maybe its because I felt cheated. That after everything we've been through, after loving him so goddamned much, I thought I deserved a little bit more credit. I guess it hurts so much because early on in the relationship, he knew I wanted to get married to him. That he knew every single last niche of me, I didnt have a secret- because he knew everything about me. When you've been that open to someone, so vulnerable... it changes you.

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God I wish I had my boyfriend here. I feel so horrible, feeling this way when he has been here for me for everything. I really do love him. There are these moments, when we're together, that he does something that makes me compare him and the other one. You dont know how happy it makes me to say that he compares in a good way.

I trust him. I really do. Theres an amazing comfort in that. I know. I KNOW he loves me. I know not in the romantic things he does for me, but for the ordinary things. For the times he makes me do something I dont want to do but need to, when he includes me in his group of friends and isnt afraid to show his affection, how he knows that I'll love something new he'll show me that I at first "KNOW" that I hate.

I love him because of all the things he's been through, because of the person he is. His hard past didnt leave him bitter, or angry, or depressed - its given him the personality I fell for. I love how he makes me laugh, with his freaking mexican accent and his retard impersonation that always kills me. I love him for his "UNLIMITED kissys", the way I feel like I want to explode everytime we kiss and how everytime "I love you" doesnt feel like enough when I say it to him.

I love him because there is no "if"s when we're talking about marriage or kids, only "when"s. I love how we talk about what kind of crib we're going to use for our kids like we actually needed it in the near future. Or how he thinks its cute when I write down scribbles about wedding details like the seating chart or bridesmaids.

I love him because he lets me take photos of us even though he hates being photographed. Because he wants to make me happy. Because he does things for me even though I dont ask him to. I love comparing him to other guys, because there ISNT a comparison. He leaves them all in the dust. Because he does things that they didnt bother to do, because he doesnt do it to get laid or to get me to shut up or leave him alone. He does it because he loves me. and I love him because he loves me back.

So journal, I've learned something new just writing this entry. I've learned to forgive the people that have hurt you. Forgive because something WAY better is going to come along and your going to be kicking yourself in the butt for crying about it. People are going to hurt me. People are going to do bad things to me because they dont really care about me. Let them. Life has a way of righting wrongs and Karma IS real. I know it because I've seen it. God is the one who should worry about righting wrongs and making the wronged strong again.

As for me, He sent me Chris. Thats all the strength I need.

Update from Panama City

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 14 May 2007 06:20:22 GMT

So Im in Panama City with Chris's family for Jared's (chris's brother)graduation tomorrow night. We left Miami at nine thirtyish at night. I felt so bad because I think three hours into the trip ( the total estimated time of the trip was supposed to be nine and ahalf hours), I got super sleepy and fell asleep a couple of times. We arrived here at seven in the morning,and I met his family.

The resemblence between chris and his siblings are remarkable. They have very similar features, same eyes, same eyebrows.... even the same teeth. Its amusing :) His stepmother is nice enough, very typical american with the american accent. Although Im not sure wether it would count as an accent if thats the way the majority of the people sound like it :P The stepmothers parents are here too visiting from north carolina. Her father has alshimers(sp?) and they have to keep reminding him about where he is and who I am since he forgets that Im chris's girlfriend. The grandma is okay enough, tho kinda scary since I think Im going to do something she would disapprove.

Panama City has this awesome store thats just scrapbooking stuff. Its great, I wish we had one over there in Miami. I bought a couple of things, only because chris has been keeping an eye on my money supply to make sure I dont spend it all in one place.

Today the whole family went out for a mother's day lunch by the beaches and afterwards Sheila ( the stepmother) took me out for a tour of some of the city. Its pretty, kinda underdeveloped, but its pretty. Plus Im sure the houses are cheaper here than over in Miami.

I've taken a couple of pictures so far. I need to unload them to the laptop so I wont be lacking in space to take pictures for the graduation tomorrow night. I'll ask chris to take me to CVS tomorrow to put the pictures on a cd.

Well, Im off to bed. Stay tuned for pics and more updates :D

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 15:57:37 GMT

Gah.... so much shit to do today....

I switched from FIU to MDC. Im going to be a nurse! Hurray for me!

So yes, off to MDC starting this summer cuz I talked to an advisor and she laid out for me an easy to follow. Basically I start this summer, cram as much classes as I can til September 2008 so I can apply for the nursing program Spring 2009. From then on it depends on how I go to school, wether full time or part time. If I go full time I will graduate sometime in 2010.

Im really excited because Chris gave me great motivation. He says once I get into the nursing program that we'll talk about getting married and once I graduate we can have our first kid :D Ahhh it seems so far awayyyy.

So right now, Im off to go pay for my tuition at mdc before I get to work at three. I have to pay and then go and bring back one of chris's books for buy back. Ugh... work....

I hate it...

Im going to look into some kind of internship or something at the hospital so I can get out of publix. Its getting crazy....

Off to be responsible :\

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:49:57 GMT

Boredness. I wish I had started one of those DIML(day in my life) entries, but I forgot my batts :\

I didnt eat breakfast and I have to wait around til 12:30 for my english class to start. Even then I have to wait the entire class period. Im going to STARVVVEEEE.... If you see me after my english class I will have reverted to one of those starving african kids. Except well... black and three feet tall.....

Im so happy. Alice seems to be house trained- or well, on the road to it. My mom said she pooped in the house while I was at work. I think she does this out of boredom since she never does this while Im at home. I keep taking her out and yelling "pee pee time!!" like Im some escaped lunatic. Obviously, I do this so she associates "pee pee time" with well... doing her business. Only after I've had Alice have I appreciated the fact that Nala is housetrained. She's so good... my little baby... I love them both <3

I went to that corrections orientation with chris the other day. I hated it. So Im back to square one without a CLUE as to what I want to do with my life or what to major. Stephanie wants me to transfer to mdc with her and do the nursing program, but Im not sure. Im not sure at all what I want.

I DO know that I want to get certified as a wedding planner, but with the things I want in life, I know Im not going to be able to make enough money to get everything I want. Nursing I know I 'll have money up the ass if I do become one. I guess I'll take my transcripts to MDC and see what they say.

I went to the library yesterday and got a TON of scrapbooking books :) Im such a nerd. God bless the man who invented free public libraries ^_^

Im still perplexed as to what to do for my birthday this year. Ive guessed on the whole movies/pool party thing, but I was kinda looking for something to make it... idk... funner/unique/memorable? Man its gonna suck.

I've still to think of what I'd like for presents, but I think Im gonna go with gift cards to Micheals, Barnes and Nobles, and Best Buy (for disney movies of course!). So yeh........

S..T....A....R....V...I....N....G....

Easter Pics!

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 14:51:24 GMT

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 07:12:59 GMT

So yes... I just got back from an awesome night out with my baby and his friends, miguel and his fiance erin. Chris got out of work early and came by my house to FINALLY format my computer(thank GOD), and then after that, we took Alice and went back to his house to check up on his grandmother that doesnt feel very well.

After chatting for a little while, we drive up to Dolphin and have some dinner. Walk around a bit until we hit this store called Wilson's Leather and we tried on some jackets. Chris pulled out this GORGEOUS jacket and tried it on and I almost fainted. He looked so damn fine in it, I told him I wanted to buy it for him on the spot, but he talked me out of it with some good sense and on we went.

I stopped by Group USA to fill out an application and lo and behold I found that a friend from a past college semester worked there. So I asked her to hook me up and Im calling the manager on monday to see if they've seen my application and to PLEASE consider me for a job cuz Im DYING to get out of Publix.

So off I go, Chris had left me at Group USA to talk to my friend, and I went off to find him. I met up with him and Miguel and Erin, who had finally gotten there at the line for GrindHouse. We walked in and the movie started. The first one was Planet Terror by Robert Rodriguez. Holy cow, that was the most awesomest EVER. My mind is at a blank right now for this chick's name, but the girl who was married to Marilyn Manson/the girl who played Cherry Darling.. But yeh, that girl was the hottness. The guy wasnt that bad either. Dark skin, tattoos, and scars, mixed together = Sexiness.

Then came DeathProof by Quentin Tarantino....... I have never been at the edge of my seat more than in this film. It was amazing. My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. What made it even more awesomeness was the fact that the heroines lived at the end of the movie, which kicks ass :)

Then after that, we all went to fridays to eat. We talked, laughed, made fun of scientology, and all was good.

Chris started feeling bad, so I ended up going home. I thought I was going to sleep over again, which I was kind of hoping for. But we decided that I'll just sleep over tomorrow night after I get off of work, which is okay for me. Then on Sunday morning we have the brunch at Yolys house. That's where everyone will get to meet him and of course love him, cuz he's like the most awesomest boyfriend ever. :D

Anyways, enough updating :) Websurfing time...

Nite <3

Long Awaited Pic Post

EmberxAshes@aol.com — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 14:28:30 GMT

So Im lazy... Couple that with the fact that I have a GAZILLION stuff to get done by like.. yesterday.... It took me a while to post these. Enjoy <3

Our Second Time @ The Fair!

On to more news. Chris and I adopted a puppy together. Yes, you read right, a puppy. I wanted to get two, but the one I wanted was adopted, so we went with the puppy chris wanted to get. She's a little weiner dog, about six months and black and brown all over. She looks like a rottie. She's so cute. We decided to name her Alice. I like that name.

So far we are splitting the time she's staying with us. She stayed at chris's house the week we bought her while his grandparents were out of town, and now she's at my house with Nala until Friday. I'll pick her up again Monday night and so forth.

Nala seems to love having her around. She wimpers and cries everytime she cant find her new little friend and its absolutely adorable.

I have the pics here with me, but its on my cam and Im on a school comp that doesnt take memory cards so fuck fiu comps.... I will post those pics as soon as I can. They are too cute.

Anyways, on to much needed completion of homework so this is it for today...