The holidays left me kind of disappointed. I mean, yes, I got wonderful gifts and spent time with my family and boyfriend and that was all very good, Im not complaining about that. But for some reason, lately I havent felt like its been christmas for the past couple of years. I miss the excitement I used to feel during the holidays, the happiness and the anticipation.

This year, we didnt put up a christmas tree like usual. My mother put out this tiny plastic christmas tree and perched it on a plant stand. Our presents were held in shopping bags on our dining room chairs. It was just, definately not christmas like. Im trying hard to believe its just the fact that Im very picky about how I like my holidays, and that I havent just outgrown christmas. Because I know a couple of people like that, and I dont ever, EVER want to turn out like that.

Its not only christmas either, its every other holiday. Everything is just blah, and my family tells me its because we're too old for anything anymore. I keep thinking to myself, so just because we've gotten older, we've totally deserted the traditions we've grown up with? The things we've looked forward to? I find that very strange, and sad. I feel like Im trying to hold on to my childhood, because honestly, if this is how adulthood feels like - empty and blah, then I would rather stay a child.

I've learned that if I want something done a certain way, Im going to have to do it myself, for myself, because otherwise, it'll all go to shit.

So with that said, goodbye